Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
