did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
