Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
