does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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