I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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