She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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