Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
