no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
