It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize