I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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