just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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