Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
