My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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