Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your cock deserves a montage
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
