you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Holy sore nipples Batman
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
