I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize