I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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