dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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