I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
