spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
