I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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