I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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