I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
