I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
