So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
