By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
