You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
