so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
