i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
