Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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