We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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