These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
