I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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