I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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