my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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