maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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