she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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