i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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