I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
