Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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