I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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