i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize