i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
