8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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