I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
