I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
