i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
