the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
