don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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