I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
