I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
pop tarts are not kleenex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
