I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
