Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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