My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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