i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
