I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
