ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
