2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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