my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Are we still banned from the library?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
