so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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