how can u be prego again
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
