Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
