there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
