You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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