i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
