you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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