I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
