I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
