Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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