new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
