Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
