you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
