so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
