Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
