I wish life had little blips of pornography
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
