actually, I'm a sock model
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
