I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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