I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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