we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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