I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
